Me too!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
