if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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