haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
