they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
