Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
