Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
