I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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