No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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