i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
