its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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