Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
