Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
