So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
