Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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