I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
