he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
