I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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