You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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