I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
