We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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