D3 body, D1 cock
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
