you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
