OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
