dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
