Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
