Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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