I looked at my own cervix.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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