So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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