My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
