you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
