Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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