some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
