***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
420 ftw
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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