Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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