dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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