Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
