"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
where does the pee come out of this thing
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
