Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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