he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
