I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
