two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
