Sry I called you an 8
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
