And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
