i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
