my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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