I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
