How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
