I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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