The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
honey bunches of taint.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
