I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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