So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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