what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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