I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
