I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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