he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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