I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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