Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
