He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
