im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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