eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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