please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
