it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
