I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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