We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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