Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
