Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
