So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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