I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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