p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
