we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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