my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
