remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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