i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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